Offerings to the Goddess of Irony
9447 words

If the 10 commandments was a multiple choice test the 11th one would be

[✓] None of the above

It is God who trembles at the thought of ME! Stupid fucking chair.

Punctuated Gibberish (a postmodern masterpiece)

Ushy waglattle flinigan ri yubstonash rygal!
Tlappuglomesh plo pli reedaticat cu luidit.
Swa, "Gyump qaizen," yeeratin vloop.
Eretet bir blattri yimp, joir yertik brenq, klamodemesh glefal.
Zril Ule? Nivininini pirstatiat wef.
Junny froip fikkansy wulpimtahagel un klifp pli.
Anagalop kirnish yi rah teager fequ.
Yiradd fruga! Fyu fi gallum nit.
Hyahkli jer humnarakop lum.
Fyujodak ruv pirftle jit namcamor ru.
"Limone limone," slev yu indamp, "Klamda limone."
Urdaret plaggatter froq, jum hyutemier ligak.
Inatackyu ti welnin kum.
Leri kagathanti voil jinta, dreman gletch pi buritac eemda.
Ora kri fiddansiol jez? Limone hyulakat.
Jirram nez kwenty wib? Limone plubunka.
Tup byanck fyo dainsip makla!
Klyak ez yiv dana pirt dirimafer, lodaterin kli! Hom gi rah?
Jine heklu ci gimwap – Limone ji qreeta.


I once met a man made of butter
(Butterman I believe he was called)
Who overcame his s-s-stutter
By plucking a peacock bald!
I don't know why
He was that way inclined
But the peacock was frankly appalled.
"Say sorry!" I said,
As he started to cry,
"Don't spread me on bread!"
Came his weepy reply.
"Look that bird in the eye and apologize!"
So he let out a sigh and lifted his head,
"I'm s-s-so sorry," he said.


It's okay. That's quite natural.

A lot of people – some of them rather educated (although generally more literal than they are literate) – will advise you to shy away from irony. They will say it is a force of derision, that it will betray you. And of course, they're right. It will betray you. But only in those instances where you ought to be betrayed, in those extremities you seek to conceal: in short, it betrays hypocrisy. I'm here to tell you that if you lean into irony, if you learn to cry with joy and laugh at pain, to be open when it comes to your own inevitable folly, you will cultivate a presence of mind which, far from that of scornful mockery, is quite beautiful and playful and graceful.

You know that Alanis Morissette song where she asks "Isn't it ironic?" and then goes on to list a bunch of things which are patently unironic? That's a good example because it's embarrassing to the literal mind, which cringes on her behalf and thinks, "You bum! You've made a fool of us! Irony cannot be trusted. I must be even more literal." But to the ironic mind this only escalates the joke because in writing a song about irony which contains absolutely no irony, she has revealed an even grander irony. And so it is the song itself which then becomes ironic precisely because of its lack of irony. What has occurred here is an enantiodromia. It is so much more than a literary technique – it is an absolute force of nature.

Time to get weird. This is all a metaphor for rebirth, which for some reason human beings can abstract outside of their literal life and death. I haven't found a way to express this without resorting to a cliche but when I do I'll let you know. You'll just never know it was me.

It seems almost trivial, at this stage, to point out that you are not a man or a woman, born into either body, but that you are a man and a woman, born into each, and so we are all at once in agreement and at odds with ourselves. This is not a non-binary position (both does not mean neither) – it is a truism from which all positions are derived.

The surest path to evil, first and foremost, is to believe in it. I believe that people do wicked things. I do not believe that they do them for wicked reasons.

The ways in which the most effective artists affect reality is unseen and unrecognized.

The Ryoleth is a book in every way. It is the thoughts you think as you think them. It is you, it is me, it is the fabric into which the Ryo is weaved.

In understanding monsters we must understand the nature of the Ryoleth, we must tap into the moods of reality. Monsters only manifest where the Ryo is disturbed.

Descend into chaos. Cut the tether. Find your way back. You have built a road into the unconscious. If you want to affect external reality in a (somewhat) specific way, you must affect it internally, that is to affect your own unconscious perception of it. This is only a theory. If it doesn't work for you – do something else. Chaos is not for everyone but since you're here...

As a general rule, you get what you want. This is about knowing what you want and more importantly, why. If you do not know this, what you call chaos, luck, fortune, fate [irony]... will seem to work against you.

"The truth will set you free!" says your captor.

Some people are genetically predisposed to genetic predisposition.

If you would climb the conceptual ladder you must put your political toys away. It will drive you mad in no time at all.

Hey you!

Yeah, I'm talking to you. I know that life can be oh-so upsetting... that sometimes you probably just feel crushed by it all. I know this because that's how I feel sometimes. It's a lot to take in, all this "reality". But I also want you to know that deep down, whatever lurks in the shadows of your soul, no matter what you think or what you've done, I will always be by your side. I won't abandon you here. We're gonna work it all out together. So keep your head up! You can see much better when it's held up high.