Offerings to the Goddess of Irony
9447 words

"The truth will set you free!" says your captor.

Some people are genetically predisposed to genetic predisposition.

If you would climb the conceptual ladder you must put your political toys away. It will drive you mad in no time at all.

Hey you!

Yeah, I'm talking to you. I know that life can be oh-so upsetting... that sometimes you probably just feel crushed by it all. I know this because that's how I feel sometimes. It's a lot to take in, all this "reality". But I also want you to know that deep down, whatever lurks in the shadows of your soul, no matter what you think or what you've done, I will always be by your side. I won't abandon you here. We're gonna work it all out together. So keep your head up! You can see much better when it's held up high.

The irony is that far more ironies are mistaken for coincidence than coincidences are mistaken for irony.

The day I met Eric

There's a homeless man who sits outside my local library and delights in asking people what they're reading. One night I was walking past him when he blurted, "What's on the list this week?" I stopped and turned to look at him. "Nineteen Eighty-Four," I responded. "Oooh, Big Brother, that's a good one," he said with a smirk. "Have you read it?" I asked. "I don't need to," he replied, "I wrote it."

What you condemn from without, you condone from within.

It is no more possible to predict the future than it is to change the past for these are one and the same. The beginning of intuition is first to realize that all which has happened and all which is yet to happen is happening, to lean into this view of reality and begin to notice certain things that you dismiss as mere coincidence for what they are: the thread which connects past to future and makes them rhyme – then – that to follow this thread is to transcend time.

To separate, or attempt to separate, irony from mere chance or coincidence is a task of utmost importance which rewards incredible insight. And, of course, mistaking them is itself an irony. In this way the soothsayer seeks after premonitions not of the world but of themselves. Again, this is not about telling the future, it's about developing intuition.

Do not shy away from irony simply because you do not understand it or are afraid of it making a fool of you. That is the whole point: you can't understand it because you are a fool. But in admitting this alone, you are already less foolish.

God, the Dream Harvester

You can't hide in your dreams, poor creature. You don't even remember most of them. Who knows what you've revealed [everything].

Sleepy Sheepy

Look at all these sleepy sheep!
(Good thing I'm awake.)
Sheepies stuck in the dreamy deep,
Where all their sheepy thoughts are FAKE!
Come on sheepies, look at me,
My arsehole is an eye
And when I shit, I shit to see.
O sheepy, would I lie?

Yes you would! the sheepy said,
You stole my fleece, mister.
You pull my brothers by the head,
You skinned and ate my sister!
Forgive me shepherd, I am blind
But for my sheepy heart
And of your cruel and crooked kind,
I don't want any part.

A while ago I wrote that a good idea becomes great when it is severed from the heart. I'll elaborate on that briefly.

Memory is a defense mechanism. Experiences are abstracted in the memory in order that you may repeat the good and avoid the bad. These abstractions are often very complicated and difficult to distinguish from their source. If you want to work autonomously in the abstract space (probably impossible given it's a byproduct of this defensive system) you must learn to recognize these "instinctive" [reactive] abstractions and ignore them. A truly great idea transcends the mind that thinks it.

is free verse
do not
pay me for it

Misses Guise always lies
About the filling of her pies,
They're full of flippin' spider thighs!
O Misses Guise, are you surprised
We all despise your pies?


wait for it... NOW!
nope, gone again
one minute, one minute
I'm catching air
ready, ready, ready, ready
NOW! no, NOW! I mean NOW! NOW!
okay, okay, on 3, on 3
1 - 2 - NOW!
I said on 3!
1 - 2 - NOW!
hold on, hold on
I'm making me anxious
ready? it's coming... NOW! nope
gone again

touch not that woke pear

touch not that woke pear
so says the saying said
darling! darling! if you dare
do touch that pear
'tis off to bed, to bed!

touch not that woke pear
so goes the going went
and so claire
did stroke the pear!
(the tree did not consent)

what have you done!
o claire, you bum!