Offerings to the Goddess of Irony
6884 words
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJMiVPLWE28

Hypochondriac

noun

  1. A dead man in denial.
  2. A person afflicted with affliction.

It is sometimes effective to hide a whisper behind a scream.

Have the courage to be fooled.

....................Did you know
..............that there are things
...........................that
..................know.........you
.........don't........................don't
...you....................?.................know
..........that.........................that
..................know.........you
..........................don't

Man

noun

  1. An overdue corpse.
  2. A derogatory term for an adult homosapien male; derived from woman.
  3. (literally) A bag of goo.

Some Jokes

One thing this pandemic has successfully proven is the job security of morticians.

Psychologists are like customs agents at the gates of sanity. Nothing to declare? Nothing? Really? But how was your childhood? Back off customs man, I told you I don't have any coconuts.

I had to dump my girlfriend after the Wildlife Board revoked my permit.

I have a friend who's a climate change denier. He's serious about it man. Sometimes he goes out at night rubbing sunscreen on solar panels.

What do you call an abortionist with cold hands? Who cares! Lynch the child killing bastard.

Have you heard of the Madonna-whore complex? In a nutshell, Madonna is a whore.

They should legalize drunk driving and give drunk driving lessons.

Love

noun

  1. The putrid discharge of a dying romantic.
  2. The primary compound used to coat fly paper.
  3. An incurable sexually transmitted disease.
  4. An intense feeling of affection for oneself on the behalf of another.
  5. A blanket over cold oblivion.

Madness

noun

  1. The inability to pretend otherwise.
  2. Unlovable genius.
  3. A sort of masochism prescribed by the sadistically stupid.
  4. (literally) The boogeyman. Boo!

Your mind is a mirror looking into a mirror. Just think about thinking about thinking about thinking about it. It isn't a bug. It isn't an illness. It's called...wait for it... "a brain"; quite an ingenious device, devised specifically to fool psychologists into thinking it's a bowl of soup, who then, after many years of grueling study, proudly proclaim their finding of chicken noodle. Take it with a pinch of salt.

Horse

noun; commonly after cart

  1. An ambitious donkey.
  2. A cunning creature which survives by luring people onto its back.
  3. A unit of measure denoting the size of a car's penis (also horsepower).

If the question is a lie then the answer is a lemon meringue pie.

I've died enough times to know that once is enough.

Dear hypnotist,
deep breath in
We're all faking.
and let it go

It's not you, it's them, unless you are them, in which case it's probably you.

The levels of mind

literalmetaphoricalMetaphysicalPataphysicalnonsense

Thus the 5 variables are: l, m, M, P and rubber duck. Generally folks fall off at m, a precious few reside at M, and we put the P's in special P hospitals. If you happen to be a rubber duck then you will find this all quite marzipan.

(Don't look at the l's and they can't see you.)